Well, since I last posted, I had my surgery.  It went better than anticipated.  In about two weeks I'll get the cast off and probably get a walking cast.  After that, I have another ankle and knee to repair.  Then, maybe the Bionic Woman will walk again.

I've been thinking a lot about the career I've had to leave behind.  Reading posts on another site from nurses who are still working reminds me how dysfunctional the nursing profession can be.  We've given up so much of our control to satisfy the increasingly inappropriate "customer service" demands.  Back when I was a younger nurse, you would never have a family demanding to keep a patient on life support after brain death has occurred.  You certainly wouldn't have them demanding that their brain dead child have multiple surgeries.

I have a great deal of sympathy for the family of this young girl who died after a seemingly simple surgery.  Somehow, they need to come to terms with the fact that she is dead, not try to raise tens of thousands of dollars for surgeries and transport to another facility.

My thoughts are with the poor nurses who are caught up in this fray.

I saw the specialist, and thank goodness...he can fix my foot.  It's going to take several months to recuperate, but it was so much better than what I was anticipating.

I hope that maybe, just maybe, I can get my health back on track and at least work part-time.  It was hard work to get my license; I'm not ready to give up on it just yet.

Hard to believe, but it's finally here.  Monday @ 1130 I have my appt. with the specialist at Rothman.  I really, really hope he has something else to offer me than amputation.  I have been through so much.  I need some good news for a change.

It just feels like a waiting game until I get to go to Rothman.  Being stuck in a wheelchair is no fun at all.

I'm beginning to feel like I've forgotten how to be a nurse.  I don't know how I could ever go back to taking care of patients.  Being a nurse was a big part of my identity, and now it's over.

I wish I knew what the next chapter of my life will be.

It's been a while since I last posted.  My orthopedic problems have gotten worse.  I saw another doctor for a second opinion, and he said he wouldn't feel comfortable doing surgery and recommended I go to either Rothman Institute in Philly; Hershey Med. Center; or, Johns Hopkins Univ.  I have decided to go to Rothman, but I'll have to wait until I go on Medicare, since my insurance won't cover it, even as an out-of-network provider.  

I'd really like to get to a point where I am just normal again. 

I just got back from a trip to the NY State Fair, and visiting some quaint towns in upstate NY.  At the Fair, there was a free concert in the evening called "Happy Together."  It had all of these oldies artists; the concert ended with The Turtles, and of course they sang "Happy Together."  It was so much fun belting out those songs with everyone else and feeling like I was normal again.  The weather was beautiful, and it felt like early Fall.  Some of the leaves were starting to turn.

Back to reality...

I haven't posted much lately; not much going on.  I am so looking forward to going away next weekend; I haven't been on a vacation in years.  I've been spending a lot of time writing for www.theonc.com.  If anybody is reading here, you can check out my articles there.

I think I really must be screwed up.  I got a notification today that my CA125 (tumor marker) is still normal, which means I'm still in remission.  For some reason, I was disappointed.  I've tried to figure this out, and the only thing I can come up with is that when the levels were elevated and I was getting chemo, I knew where I stood.  When it's like this, I keep wondering if it's going to come back.  Will it be the next time?  Six months from now?  A year?  Five years?  The fear of the unknown can make you think strange things.

Last night I went to a cancer support group for women.  It was the second time I have been there.

It's surprising to me how helpful it is to go to this group.  There are so many things I worry about and feel like I'm alone in dealing with them.  To go to a group and find out there are other people there who feel the same way makes me feel a little more normal.  Cancer can be a very isolating illness, even when you're in remission.  It's good to know you're now the only one out there.

That link for Zach's song "Clouds" is working again.

This cracked me up.  Apparently, there are cliques even among our feathered friends.

Unfortunately, that link no longer works.  It appears the videos have been taken down.

I have been busy for the last couple of days working on some articles for a website.  It keeps my mind busy so I don't dwell on things, and it makes me feel like I still have my hands in nursing.

The song I had tried to link, "Clouds," is available for download.  It's worth the $1.00 and change it costs to download it, plus the money goes to a good cause.

This makes me feel ashamed for all of the times I have been such a whiner about having cancer.  What a beautiful way to increase awareness of pediatric cancers..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDC97j6lfyc

By the way...

The nurse in that picture is not me.  I may be old, but I'm not THAT old!

29 July 2013


OK, this is my first blog.  I am going to state for the record that I have no idea what in the heck I'm doing or even why I am doing it.  Too much time on my hands, that's what I'm going with.

As you can tell from my title, I'm a nurse.  That is, I was a nurse until my career was sidelined by ovarian cancer two years ago.  One minute I'm taking care of cancer patients, the next minute I'm the one with the bald head and a medi-port.  The cancer has not recurred so far, but it has left me with all sorts of wonderful souvenirs like nerve damage that makes Frankenstein look like a prima-ballerina compared to my stumblebum stagger.  Every so often the nerve damage will wake me up in the middle of the night to remind me that although I may be done with chemotherapy, chemotherapy is not done with me.

There were so many times before I was diagnosed that I would lie in bed after the alarm would go off and think, "God...I wish I were retired."  Now that I am not working anymore, I find myself missing nursing more than I imagined.  I even miss the days of running around with my hair on fire all day with barely enough time to pee, let alone eat.  It's like the Joni Mitchell lyric, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone..."

As for this blog, I'm not sure what it will be.  It might be partly about my nursing career (28 years--that hurts!).  It might be how things are going with me health-wise.  I may even throw in some observations about what's going on in the world.

So there you have it.  My first blog post.  I've finally entered the 21st century.