I saw the specialist, and thank goodness...he can fix my foot.  It's going to take several months to recuperate, but it was so much better than what I was anticipating.

I hope that maybe, just maybe, I can get my health back on track and at least work part-time.  It was hard work to get my license; I'm not ready to give up on it just yet.

Hard to believe, but it's finally here.  Monday @ 1130 I have my appt. with the specialist at Rothman.  I really, really hope he has something else to offer me than amputation.  I have been through so much.  I need some good news for a change.

It just feels like a waiting game until I get to go to Rothman.  Being stuck in a wheelchair is no fun at all.

I'm beginning to feel like I've forgotten how to be a nurse.  I don't know how I could ever go back to taking care of patients.  Being a nurse was a big part of my identity, and now it's over.

I wish I knew what the next chapter of my life will be.

It's been a while since I last posted.  My orthopedic problems have gotten worse.  I saw another doctor for a second opinion, and he said he wouldn't feel comfortable doing surgery and recommended I go to either Rothman Institute in Philly; Hershey Med. Center; or, Johns Hopkins Univ.  I have decided to go to Rothman, but I'll have to wait until I go on Medicare, since my insurance won't cover it, even as an out-of-network provider.  

I'd really like to get to a point where I am just normal again. 

I just got back from a trip to the NY State Fair, and visiting some quaint towns in upstate NY.  At the Fair, there was a free concert in the evening called "Happy Together."  It had all of these oldies artists; the concert ended with The Turtles, and of course they sang "Happy Together."  It was so much fun belting out those songs with everyone else and feeling like I was normal again.  The weather was beautiful, and it felt like early Fall.  Some of the leaves were starting to turn.

Back to reality...

I haven't posted much lately; not much going on.  I am so looking forward to going away next weekend; I haven't been on a vacation in years.  I've been spending a lot of time writing for www.theonc.com.  If anybody is reading here, you can check out my articles there.

I think I really must be screwed up.  I got a notification today that my CA125 (tumor marker) is still normal, which means I'm still in remission.  For some reason, I was disappointed.  I've tried to figure this out, and the only thing I can come up with is that when the levels were elevated and I was getting chemo, I knew where I stood.  When it's like this, I keep wondering if it's going to come back.  Will it be the next time?  Six months from now?  A year?  Five years?  The fear of the unknown can make you think strange things.