I will not be posting on this blog anymore.  Please follow me at www.thebaldnurse.blogspot.com.

Recently I had my tumor markers drawn to check the status of my ovarian cancer.  For the first time since finishing my chemo in Sept. 2011, one of them was abnormal.  The HE4, which should be no higher than 150 was 176.

I saw my gyn/onc for a follow-up.  While she said she wasn't too concerned, she did want me to repeat the blood work in 2 months and again in 4 months.  She said she would be more concerned if the CA125 was above 21, although she said she has about 6 patients whose recurrence was only noted with elevated HE4.

So, I guess for now it's OK, but I feel like once again, cancer's breath is on my neck.  I'm sorry if I sound whiney, but I'm just tired.  Tired of surgeries, tired of pain, tired of being sick. Right now I am battling a nasty upper respiratory infection.  All I can do is sleep, cough, and blow my nose.

Sigh...

Rehabbing my ankle is going well.  I'm up and walking now, a little bit at a time, with the help of a walker.  My R ankle hurts tremendously.  As much as I don't like facing another surgery, I'm glad Dr. Pedowitz said I could probably have it repaired in April.

In the meantime, I had my tumor markers drawn on Tuesday.  I'm seeing the gynecologist/oncologist next week.  I've been having a lot of pain in my abdomen; I'm sure it's nothing, but it's still frightening.  Living with this is like having your life on pause; you never know what's coming up next.

Well, since I last posted, I had my surgery.  It went better than anticipated.  In about two weeks I'll get the cast off and probably get a walking cast.  After that, I have another ankle and knee to repair.  Then, maybe the Bionic Woman will walk again.

I've been thinking a lot about the career I've had to leave behind.  Reading posts on another site from nurses who are still working reminds me how dysfunctional the nursing profession can be.  We've given up so much of our control to satisfy the increasingly inappropriate "customer service" demands.  Back when I was a younger nurse, you would never have a family demanding to keep a patient on life support after brain death has occurred.  You certainly wouldn't have them demanding that their brain dead child have multiple surgeries.

I have a great deal of sympathy for the family of this young girl who died after a seemingly simple surgery.  Somehow, they need to come to terms with the fact that she is dead, not try to raise tens of thousands of dollars for surgeries and transport to another facility.

My thoughts are with the poor nurses who are caught up in this fray.

I saw the specialist, and thank goodness...he can fix my foot.  It's going to take several months to recuperate, but it was so much better than what I was anticipating.

I hope that maybe, just maybe, I can get my health back on track and at least work part-time.  It was hard work to get my license; I'm not ready to give up on it just yet.

Hard to believe, but it's finally here.  Monday @ 1130 I have my appt. with the specialist at Rothman.  I really, really hope he has something else to offer me than amputation.  I have been through so much.  I need some good news for a change.

It just feels like a waiting game until I get to go to Rothman.  Being stuck in a wheelchair is no fun at all.

I'm beginning to feel like I've forgotten how to be a nurse.  I don't know how I could ever go back to taking care of patients.  Being a nurse was a big part of my identity, and now it's over.

I wish I knew what the next chapter of my life will be.